Words to Live By is the place to come and eavesdrop on all of our inside jokes, quotes, and silly catch-phrases. Frankly, I don't know why you'd bother, because without context, they're all pretty stupid, but, oh well, your choice I suppose. Don't say I didn't warn you. And if you're offended easily (or prone to confusion), you're in the wrong place.

So, If you're ever at a party and the conversation goes dull, throw in one of these gems to perk things up:

1. So you want to go on tour with a traveling freak show?
   I don't think I have a choice, Marge.
2. Sure, now she wears underwear.
3. That's the worst case of Van Aerial Disease I've ever seen!
4. Boy that was some good corn.
5. Blind skiers with Dolphins.
6. What kind of Restaurant/Motel lets you bring a monkey in there?
7. Not a boob.
8. They're wings - they're for extra protection! (I learned that from TV.)
9. Is that a rabbit over there?
10. Mmmm, Ass-less Shrimp!
11. Doppelganger!
12. We're gonna need another Timmy.
13. Do you have some sort of brain injury?
14. That's gotta hurt.
15. I wash myself with a stick.
16. I've never seen anything that gross... uh, except that.
17. Chubba Lubba.
18. Hey George Washington, give me a raise!
19. Whachu want?
20. I'm not the Herb you're looking for.
21. Hi everybody!
    Hi Ninja-Smurf!
22. If ya stink, ya get a free car.
23. And now, stay tuned for another episode of 'Madison'!
24. Yak du neige
25. Chesty St. Clair, Busty LeRue and Hootie McBoob.
26. I love you guys!
27. Wanna see my monkey?
28. She's a bitch, she's Hawaiian, she can't sing but she's tryin'...
29. Ho Ho Ho - Green Penis
30. Silly Rabbit, tricks are for hookers.
31. Believe it - Tsssssssss... Or not...ssssss...
32. You have five minutes to move your cube.
33. Wanna play horseshoes?
34. Disco, Disco, Three Discos, yup, uh-huh.
35. Yeah, he's a great guy, he's very, um... punctual.
36. Clickety-click, Barba...
37. What's a fet-us?
38. Hey Hey!
39. Mmmm... Klingon chicken.
40. Chin, in the uterus, no thank you.
41. If it took this long to make a new one, I would have expected better than this piece of yak turd.
42. I find this vexing, I am vexed.
43. Moving right along, doogga doung doogga doung.
44. PAT BOONE!
45. I love a man who loves steel.
46. Those are hairplugs? I'd sue.
47. I can see the light! I'm going for it, Guiseppé!
48. Anne Murray, all day, every day.
49. Those young whipper-snappers with their rock and/or roll music...
50. Thong Th-Thong Thong Thong Thong.
51. You want I should pump your gas?
52. Oh Mindy, you came and you gave me a turkey.
53. You know Lee, coffee will stunt your growth (looks down).
54. Is it a turkey?
55. Sometimes, when it's real late at night, I grow a second head out of my armpit.
56. See what I did there?
57. Rubble Rubble
58. Who you talkin' to Willis?
59. I'm a driver, I'm a winner, things are gonna change, I can feel it.
60. Map this Montreal!
61. Would you like to see your room first?
62. Tony, give him a bastard: Bastard!
63. Corn? Corn? When did I eat corn?
64. Hangin' with my peeps.
65. Cookies and porn, cookies and porn, I'm gonna get me some cookies and porn...
66. Want I should depornify the place?
67. They say that Shaft's a bad mother...
68. Yamma Yamma sneh.
69. Plipe.
70. Pas d'estrogen, pas d'estrogen, can't go on the other dock, pas d'estrogen.
71. Move Those Yardsticks.
72. I think it's a turkey.
73. It's hard to go without pants for too long, especially at Christmas.
74. Thanks for the Hamster.
75. One day, No vodka!
76. Thank goodness she's not a brittle girl.
77. Once again, something wonderful in my life has turned into a giant crapfest.
78. Pull my finger.
79. Call before you dig.
80. Happy Pony rag.
81. Oh my God, That's my car.
82. Ding, Ding. I want to get off the bus.
83. What could possibly cause them to make such a noise? How about a nice game of spin the kitty?
84. We're fun people!
85. Speed kills, Del.
86. Freakin' McAwesome, the rejected Fry-guy from the seventies.
87. I know what you're thinkin' - ya want him, but ya can't have him, he's all ours...
88. It's a severed head!
89. Tell me what you want, what you really, really want.
90. Hoobeda Hibbeda Tractor sponge.
91. A little like a turkey but not much.
92. Look! A Hunchback kids meal!
93. Don't eat there, they boil their pasta.
94. It's all part of my charm (alleged charm).
95. Quit playin' with yourself Willie.
96. More crack with your pasta?
97. Badges, Badges? We don't need no stinkin' badges.
98. Parts is parts.
99. Because all you of Earth are idiots. You see? you see? You're stupid minds. Stupid. Stupid.
100. Tragedy!
101. He's a hoot, she's a hoot, it's a hoot, we're a hoot, everywhere a hoot-hoot.
102. Want me to de-bum you?
103. Yes, but I'm cute.
104. Gobbledy Geddy, Gobbledy Geddy.
105. The word would come springing from my lips - BOING BOING BOING.
106. Melba Toast.
107. With God as my witness, I thought turkeys could fly.
108. Is it Mr. Potatohead?
109. Please Hammer, Don't Hurt 'em.
110. Hwaaa Mugu Fulu Uketa Muamua - Godzilla!
111. Me boys are eatin' larvae.
112. Lee Ka Choo!
113. Especially the girls!
114. Eat out of his butt.
115. Wanna play with Mr. Happy Fun Toe?
116. Spleen!
117. It's like there's a party in my mouth and everyone's invited!
118. Hello, It's Pizza Guy, I know where you live. I want my tip...
119. Marco... Pogo.
120. Oh, my ovaries!
121. Is it poultry?
122. You're selling what now?
     I'm selling only the concept of Karmic realignment.
     You can't sell that, Karma can only be portioned out by the cosmos.
     He's got me there.
123. Better, Stronger, Faster.
124. Happy RAMADAN!
125. Danglin' his wares.
126. Have another beer, it won't hurt as much.
127. That Chistina Ricci sure has changed. Yeah, she grew boobs.
128. I bet you say that to all the boys.
129. Short, swarthy and demure.
130. You're more fun than a dog.
131. Matlock watching pornos.
132. How many Pepsi points do you have?
133. Does this bus go to Equador?
134. Thatsa spicy meatball.
135. The hole, it's getting bigger.
136. I was hopin'.
137. Don't pick it or it will never heal.
138. Peeco, Pee-CO, Pico, Peeeee-co.
139. Moosetick!
140. He just feeds me pasta.
141. Is that the star of Bethlehem. Yeah. Keep Drivin'.
142. Sometimes I get the menstrual cramps real hard.
143. What did you like better - Jedi or the Empire Strikes Back?
144. There's not an ounce of fat on my body... I'm on the metric system.
145. Beers aren't cuddly and they don't respond.
146. Goddamit, prove to me I lied.
147. What, Flipper? Trouble at the old mill?
148. Cheque please.
149. I've been abducted.
150. Okay, I love you, Bye-bye.
151. Bonjour, mon nom et Inigo Montoya, Tu a tue mon pere, prepare a mourir!
152. I think it's a turkey.
153. And Del, If you need anything, anything at all - I'll be in my car somewhere...
154. Boffo Lenny, Socko Lenny.
155. Excuse me sir, but you seem to have gotten peanut butter in my babaganoosh.
156. Shamo. Ya know it.
157. You know, by the time it gets to the hicks...
158. Worst Bed and Breakfast Ever.
159. Chris Farley - Still dead.
160. Hello, Package.
161. Flaming chunks of whale blubber!
162. People are stupid.
163. Hit a wall, grow a penis!
164. Can't Stop - Jeff Goldblum
165. Don't cross the streams.
166. Brousseau, Adam, Chit.
167. Chunk-o-Rama.
168. I am Fabian Fox, would you like a café olé?
169. Dusty Clouds of Fun!
170. Did you ever know that you're my hero?
171. Itchy Willie.
172. I was eating oranges - here, smell my fingers.
173. Next up, Bobbing for crud!
174. I've been licked by the Giant Tongue of Doom!
175. Here comes the useless tool.
176. I took the Lindbergh Baby!
177. Hydro Bill.
178. She thinks she's all that!
179. Spunky Mulva.
180. GRAAAAAAAANT!
181. Lucky "XXX" Kwan.
182. Rustin sometimes puts a nut in my food.
183. Who's your messiah now?
184. Stellar, Retarded, Paprika.
185. You can really taste the angus.
186. ...Seven ticket...
187. ...and that's a big but.
188. Turn left when it turns Spanish...
189. Suck it Colin!
190. tremendous.
191. Rendez-vous... with Destiny!

Think you know them all? Why not test your skill with the 'Words to Live By' Crossword puzzle? All of the answers to the clues can be found on this page!

©2012 Jeffco Productions